my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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