i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
