is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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