We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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