He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
