Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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