I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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