is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My feet surprised me
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