I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
