I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
