I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
