Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
