One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
