just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
