Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
