I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
pray to the hookup gods
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
