I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
