Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
third nipple confirmed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
