I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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