im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
