I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
