i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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