the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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