booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
