I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
