Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
