It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
