not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When are your genitals available?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
