I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
