Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
