Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
