I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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