i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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