At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
