im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
