Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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