so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
