Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am naked and annoyed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
