...so i touched it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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