This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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