well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
