mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The uberlube is also flammable
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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