This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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