took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
