Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
