Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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