Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
