good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
