I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
