She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
